today i cried
today i cried…
for the woman who had a disease that kept her from being able to let go
for the neighbors of that woman who wouldn’t give up
for the sweet older woman who had so much joy even though she lost so much
for the kid who’s drenched buzz lightyear themed room that i helped pick up
for his parents who had so much pain in their eyes
for the self-less people who delivered food, water, conversation, and hugs
for the grown man covered in mud who came to tears when we arrived
for the woman who broke down when we showed up to ask how she was doing
for the same woman who lost her brother, pregnant daughter and son-in-law in the last three months
for all the people who’s pictures we tried to salvage
for the amazing couple who’s pile of trash was much larger than the pile they were able to keep
for the people that served along side me and those that i never met
for the people who have outpoured money, care and love to our humble state
for the red cross saying they are having to give less relief than expected because of the volunteers
for the stories of people who i know that lost so much
for the kids of those people who still played with the same amount of joy today
for all the work has yet to be done
for all that has been accomplished by the hands of exhausted people who worked on energy that came from only God
for hope in what is to come
today i cried with my brothers and sisters as they walk through a time of pain and hopelessness. and while i do not have any physical damage to my apartment, in which i am so blessed, we are called to “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way [we] will fulfill the law of Christ.” [galatians 6:2]. people have helped me carry mine and i am here to carry others, because we are a community.
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i spent tuesday through saturday working amongst volunteers and homes in our devastated city. while i am normally a crier, i spent the week numb, i didn’t have time to cry, there was so much to be done. i knew the breakdown would hit but had no idea what would trigger it. this morning, surrounded by my amazing church family, it hit and i just sobbed during our kids worship service’s (fx) first song. surrounded by hugs and grace (for messing up the song) i knew that there was no better place for me to have that breakdown which continued on and off throughout the day.
i don’t understand why bad things have to happen, they make me angry and full of questions. my pastor said today, “trust is what you need when you cannot understand.” so my prayer for myself and everyone out there is to find that peace that makes no sense…
“always be glad because of the Lord! i will say it again: be glad. always be gentle with others. the Lord will soon be here. don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. with thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. and this peace will control the way you think and feel.” [philippians 4:4-7]
there is one thing that has helped keep me going all week. music has always been a way i decompress and “miracle” by the robbie seay band is a beautiful album. it helped me get ready on my 20 minute drive in and wind-down on my 20 minute drive home. late in the week i went to grab it and looked at the cover and tears came into my eyes, just look at it… if you get a chance listen to “long way home”, it’s absolutely beautiful.
Miracle album by Robbie Seay Band.
the last week has been a whirlwind, and while i have a thousand questions, i have seen about just as many miracles.
